A prisoner of the space between dreams and reality

The Sweet Trap

I think a big part of my thinking was programmed to believe we must have a stable job, be persistent, and loyal. This came from my environment and old-generation beliefs. So, when I changed jobs for the third time, fear rose in me like an instinct. With life's pressures and everyone's opinions echoing in my ears, I thought, "Anyone who breaks free from this is truly admirable." We hear so many lighthearted success stories, but when it's your turn, you realize how much courage it takes.

Deep down, I knew even if I changed jobs ten times, something would still feel missing. I longed for a career where I excelled, a field where I could become a master. I wondered about my experiences – what did they mean? I knew inside, I was bigger than my daily tasks.

I understand the older generation faced many hardships. They had their fears, passed down to me. But I know my generation needs to explore a new reality.

With each journey to distant lands and encounters with new cultures, the true extent to which my upbringing and inherited circumstances shaped me became increasingly clear.

Leaving and your faith has been tested

I decided to quit my stable job and wander to find what I truly desired. My youthful passion gave me unwavering faith that if I gave my dreams enough space, they would grow.

I started writing and experimenting with arts, coaching, and more. I felt passionate and talented in these areas. I tried new things, but I knew I was still a beginner. The feeling of instability lingered. I realized my path might need a unique blend of both worlds.

Where am I going, after all?

Where am I headed, ultimately?

Then, life happened. Family pressures and my mother's accident pulled me back to my old reality. I returned to office work. I found some joy, but my heart still dreamed of distant horizons.

I quit again, more determined this time. I created a product, not yet accepted, but I felt progress. Self-doubt was still there, but I learned patience and acceptance, trusting my own pace.

But life isn't that simple. Family increased challenges and the loss of loved ones brought me back to darkness. I thought, "If I had stayed, I could have helped my family." Not out of helplessness, but not doing what I could feel wrong. My beliefs seemed to crumble. In the darkness, I decided, "I won't give up. No more old paths."

Walk with faith

This time, it was harder, but I crawled forward, enduring the pain for myself and my loved ones.

The space I had made for my dreams started to take shape.

After many revisions, my vision was becoming clearer.

The journey is long, the journey is tiring,

After the last steps, are countless last steps ...

But for this last journey, I'll grow wings.

Waiting for the wind, for the world to join in.

Trust it will fly, when Divine time arrives.

Alva De Fleurs